Deep within the jungle that is my mother-in-law's garden lives something hitherto unknown and as such, unseen by man, or woman. It dwells beyond the banana trees, past the non-swept leaves that fell during the autumn months and on towards the abandoned climbing frame and slide, now firmly entrenched by weeds and moss. This 'thing' is of a nature that it feels less inclined to mingle with the 'civilized' world, than of the natural, spending it's days happily- one assumes, rolling in the grassy mass, chasing rodents of all sizes and sneezing- when the sun light hits it's nose in just such a way.
Unbound by family, technology or political ambition, our 'thing' lives a life of quiet complexion, though it does from time to time enjoy the delights of the occasional groan or growl, directed primarily towards men or women that seem inclined to deliver bundles to homes on a daily basis. 'It's' sound can often be mistaken for that of a family dog and once in a while, that of the family cat.
Food of all sorts is quite often found lost from window sills or dog bowls alike, leaving only one suspect in most households. While unobserved, 'it' climbs trees and watches you- not for any nefarious reason, but 'it' does find some enjoyment in the silly things you do when you're alone.
As you might suspect, 'it' has been the cause of no end of accusations aimed in your general direction and while you may be innocent of these mishaps, 'it' finds no end of delight in the arguments that ensue.